How creating a morning routine can actually improve your self-esteem

The way you start your day totally sets the mood for the day. If you’ve read the 27 lessons I’ve learned in 27 years, you know this one. If not, read them here.

Anyways, I decided to write about this because, man, I can’t stress enough the difference my morning ritual does for my overly anxious brain. There are so many health benefits, I don’t know why so few people talk about them. The self-dev industry is full of people turning such a pleasant time into a masculine task force. Wake up at 5 am, fast until 12, 1h intense workout, etc bullshit, crap, etc.

While I agree with turning into a masculine task force what needs to be, let’s not do this all the time. I struggle with getting into my feminine flowing energy, so I know it’s no piece of cake. However, choosing to do my morning ritual with care, presence, patience & love helped me so much more than guilt-tripping me into waking up when the rooster cook-a-doodle-dos.

A while ago, I decided to stop being so harsh on myself and enjoy the blessing I have to create my own schedule. And MOST importantly, as it fits me now, these days, not what I’d like it to be because that’s what Instagram coaches tell me it should be. Bio-individual daily ritual. Some mornings I wake up feeling like crap and rethink everything. The priority is to feel better — tapping, watching my fav series, comfort food, buy myself good-ass coffee, go for a walk. Other mornings I wake up as if I listened on repeat Beyoncé’s song Who run the world? GIRLS.

So yeah, how I spend my morning is important to me. It’s when I feel most alive, most energized, and ready to conquer the world (most of the days, not always ofc). But it hasn’t always been like this. For the most time this year, I’d just wake up guilt-tripping myself for not waking up earlier, for not being more productive, for not sleeping when I was ‘supposed to’, so you imagine that everything that followed was not loving.

If you don’t have the blessing of waking up whenever you want, and you know you need your sleep, make sure you sleep a bit earlier. I need around 9h of sleep these days. I fall asleep around 11 pm and wake up around 8 am.

If you're in a rush but still want to get the main idea, this is it:

morning routine = masculine, E-V-E-R-Y-D-A-Y-or-else, forcing in, beating yourself up, army

morning ritual = feminine, most often than not, finding meaning & joy into it, being compassionate with your journey

A morning ritual is gonna be your BFF if you’re looking to:

• instill new & healthy habits into your life
• ease into the day gracefully
• make better decisions throughout the day
• control anxiety & mood

1. Decision fatigue is not a myth

‘’As soon as you wake up, every decision you make dips into your brain’s willpower reserves. The brain is an incredible organ, but even it has its limits, and there’s a lot of research out there that points toward our willpower being a limited resource. At some point, those reserves run dry, and it becomes a lot harder to turn down instant gratification, which may be why you find yourself skipping a cycling class you normally love after a long shitty day in favor of downing some wine at home’’.

- Anna Borges, writer on SELF.COM

Of course, these willpower-depleting decisions are unavoidable; our lives are full of them. That’s where a good morning ritual comes in. Personally, I’ve found I’m much more likely to make decisions that support my self-care and well-being when I haven’t spent the morning scrolling, stressed or what else. Plus, a plethora of activities you include in your morning ritual may be self-care all on their own.

2. Improves your self-esteem

Let’s say you keep telling yourself you’re gonna be more sporty this year, but at the end of the workday, all you want to do is have a huge glass of red wine while munching on cheesy pasta. You start guilt-trippin yourself ‘You’ll never amount to nothing’ or ‘You’re such a loser for munching on pasta when you should have worked out’ or even worse, you know it all too well. Then you eat even more because you feel bad about it and so on.

When struggling with poor self-love, it’s hard to make choices in your favor. The power of will might not be your best friend and you end up in a self-hate vicious circle by the end of the day. One bad decision leads to another and another and another. Top it up with a guilt trip, self-shaming, you know, all the good stuff and you got yourself … nothing.

How about you stop bitching about yourself and try to find a way you can actually make it happen? Start small and make it count. For example, promise yourself you wake up 10 minutes earlier and do a HIIT workout, go for a walk, or a run, or do some stretching, or just freaking dance for duck’s sake. When did we forget to dance??

And remember, you don’t have to do it 7/7. No president (except Putin ofc haha but that’s another story) ever won the elections with 100%, so why would you want to do it 100% perfectly? Think of every decision you make as a vote against or pro your ideal version of yourself. So, if you manage to score 4/7 is already a majority, the best version of yourself already won.

Now, go back to that small promise — 10 minutes in the morning 4/7 days. After you built momentum, your confidence will increase. You’ll start feeling better about yourself, and automatically you’ll start making better decisions and feel better overall. ​

And it's not me saying this, it's James Clear who might have just wrote the most thoroughgoing book on habits.

3. Ease into the day

Did you know that 80 percent of people between the ages of 18–44 check their smartphones within 15 minutes of waking up? Shiieeet, that's a lot, son!

I stopped doing this for good 3 years ago. It just doesn't bring me any benefits. Depending on the day, I open social-media within 1–2h after waking up. I'm super proud of this.

Morning time is precious time, research confirms as seen in an article on The Ladders.

The brain, specifically the prefrontal cortex, is most active and readily creative immediately following sleep. Your subconscious mind has been loosely mind-wandering while you slept, making contextual and temporal connections. Creativity, after all, is making connections between different parts of the brain.’’

To sum up, switching from a morning routine mindset to a morning ritual mindset is key in improving your self-esteem. Beating yourself up won't do any good, trust me. Yes, there is power in everyday, but there’s more power in honoring where you are now and patiently pave your way towards your own everyday.

If where you are now 4/7 is the lest you can do, trust me, it’s more than enough. Even if you’re in a 1/7 place, it’s just as fine. Start again as many times as you need. It’s never too late or worthless.

I will write another article on ideas of rituals you can start implementing, my morning ritual and why should you consider instilling any of them in your lifestyle.

Until then, hope this made sense and I managed to offer you some value. If I did, please share! ❤

Kisses, and may you be healthy, may you be happy, may you be safe

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